Let me introduce myself a la 2000’s Myspace/Live Journal Survey mode:
| Name | Alison Gomez |
| License: | Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) - #121886 [1] |
| Favorite thing about therapy: | I absolutely love being able to use my brain to explore and figure out what’s going on and how to make changes. I was once told that I felt very cold in how I observe and explore in session, but in my brain, I’m trying to make sense of things because literally (maybe not always literally) things make sense when understood within their context. AND I learn so much about myself, about others, about different perspectives within the therapy world, and just random things based on my client’s experiences and interests. |
| Least favorite thing about therapy: | NOOOOOTES. And by notes, I mean progress notes [2]. It’s not that it’s hard (or at least for me), it’s just I don’t want to do them. Of course they get done because I’m a “good student who follows the directions” type of person and I can definitely draaaaag it out with distractions (i.e. Gilmore Girls, doing literally anything else). |
| Your favorite possession that you can't live witout: | My pens and fancy papers (also not so fancy). Pens are life and it’s so important to have all the sizes. Feeling like big loopy letters? A juicy 1.0 pen. Need to write so tiny that it requires a magnifying glass to read? 0.25 pen, of course! And it’s important to accompany the right kind of paper with it [3]. |
| What is your current interest: | Oh! So many things! Well, I’m definitely enjoying reading books on Autism, ADHD, and disabilities right now (which means I’m talking about it literally everywhere which is so satisfying and probably annoying depending on if it’s your interest). I am also very much fixated on the musical Next to Normal which tackles mental health, trauma, and suicide - I’ve listened to the soundtrack since 2014 and is currently my hyperfixation. And if you’re a client who will be in my office, my Amazing Digital Circus plushy collection. Well, maybe Glitch Production because I have quite a bit of Murder Drones plushies as well. |
| How do you like to do therapy: | I do therapy in a very structured and unstructured way.
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| What are your top 5 references in therapy: |
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| What are your top 5 referenes you want to use, but don't or most people don't understand: |
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But it also means that I know a thing or two about getting in trouble, feeling like I’m being too much and not enough at the exact same time (I know, talent). I know about stepping on toes in the workspace and friendships as I’m intensely passionate about social advocacy, challenging systems of oppression, and wanting to do so many things [6].
I have also experienced the pressure to be perfect, not being allowed to make mistakes, and how much it drains the soul when you’re constantly in hypervigilance mode trying to detect all the ways you’re failing [7]. I’ve experienced the burnout related to maintaining an image that's unsustainable, eventually crumbling under too much pressure.
But I also know what it’s like to have that balance of supportive friends, taking breaks for self-care and creativity, and making an accepting and appreciative space for those dark, twisty, existential moments. I know how it is possible to move from feeling stagnant and aimless (like a Katy Perry song) to being inspired and excited about what’s to come.
Okay, but how does that relate to you and possibly being your therapist?
TLDR: My lived experiences (personal and professional) and how I perceive and process information about the world influences the way I do the therapy - no judgments regardless of your distractions, avoidance, rants, and enthusiastic tangents. I have a buttload of curiosity and questions to ask to help you create more awareness. I’m also a great source of accountability to try new things related to your goals.
Some ways I do therapy:
I show up authentically
That means I’m not trying to put on a show about how I care about you or whether or not I’m judging you. I mean what I say and acknowledge that I’m not perfect. I’m bound to make mistakes because being authentic means not being in your head at all times curating the perfect response, so I’m bound to fuck up. But I’m also going to take accountability as best as I can.
I love to define things (almost annoyingly so)
I was taught that we all live life with a set of rules that we just assume other people follow (aka common sense). But that assumption is false and can lead to a lot of problems when your assumptions don’t match others’ assumptions. So, instead of making an ass of you or Ming (hehe), I ask a lot of questions defining what you’re talking about. For example:
when you say “good enough” how is that determined? Who defined it? You? Others? What is the significance of being “good enough”? How will you know you achieved it? What does it mean to not be good enough?
if you’re being lazy, what does “lazy” mean? Because, to me, lazy means not being productive at all times and choosing slowness and rest… in fact, it’s an act of resistance against Capitalism, but I know that’s not how other people view it. So what does it mean to you?
What does it mean to be a good person? A bad person? How is that determined? What does it mean about you to be a good or bad person?
So, while it can be annoying at times, it can also be a way to gain awareness of beliefs that hold you back/hurt you so you can change it if you want.
I don’t view resistance or “being defensive” as a bad thing
I was trained to view resistance and defensiveness as bad, something that the clients are doing “wrong” in therapy. It wasn’t exactly talked about in that direct way, but it was the way my clinical supervisors, professors, and peers would talk about clients who did not just go along with the intervention (i.e. answering the question or trying a new skill or agreeing to do x, y, or z).
Obviously “not all therapists” agree with this type of mindset or take offense when a client doesn’t want to go along with something, but a lot do. And if you’re someone who tends to think more literally, has trouble naming your emotions, struggles to remember to do the “homework” in-between sessions, struggles to show up on time, or asks a lot of clarifying questions and you’ve been to therapy already, you might have already experienced this. I know I have with some of my past therapists. Sometimes it's just how information is processed and experienced and sometimes its defenses.
Here is how I view resistance and defensiveness: it’s how you protect you. It’s what got you through all the years - the good, the bad, the ugly. And maybe some of the things that you are doing hurt you or make your world so small or keep you stuck, but it’s probably been useful at some point in the past otherwise you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Therapy is about learning how to feel safe enough to try new things and take on different perspectives which takes time and patience. And I’m here for it.
Also, if your identity is intertwined with your pain, angst, and symptoms then it might literally be a process of changing your whole worldview and how you view yourself as a person outside of dysfunction and that is such a big task (and totally doable).
I guess what I’m saying is that I respect the defenses and expect it. You’re not “too” anything, at least not with me.
Congratulations if you made it this far!
Regardless if you hung with me throughout all my tangents and tangents of tangents, I appreciate it that you’ve made it here.
If you would like to work with me in therapy, you are always welcomed to reach out to do a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your goals, answer your questions, and see if this might be a good fit.
Notes:
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I have my license as a Marriage and Family Therapist, which is so funny because it makes me sound like a lie. Why? I don’t primarily do marriage counseling (though I have worked with couples and am open to taking them in my practice) and I definitely do not do family therapy. I provide individual therapy (aka one-on-one) and group therapy (aka between 5-6 people meeting to work towards their goals).
Progress notes are the notes that are officially in your chart. They stay connected with you for seven years before they get destroyed (deleted or shredded).
Right now, I’m obsessed with a few pens: Uniball Zento 0.7 mm, Juice Up 0.3 mm, Hi-Tec-C 0.25 mm. I also love the paper from TÜL at Office Depot. I also got turned on to the Kokuyo stationary (Jibun Techo Daily Diary and Planner, the Campus notebooks) and always have a love for Passion Planner.
While “how are you?” is small talk that can be superficial, if I’m asking it, I’m genuinely wanting to know how you’re doing. Was “fine” the socially appropriate answer you’re “supposed” to say or are things actually fine?
And I actually want you to tell me what sucks. No need to manage my feelings because if something I’m doing is genuinely not helping, I want to explore if this is something on my end (like the way I’m doing it or the thing itself) or if there is something on your end (like maybe not being on the same page, some defenses that make it hard to implement, etc.). So much can be learned from these moments.
I want to do everything which isn’t necessarily a problem, but can be at times. I remember in junior high or high school meeting with someone regarding my future college experience. They asked what I wanted to major in and I mentioned architecture, psychology, and a third thing I can’t remember. I specifically remembered how they told me that was too many things, it wasn’t possible, so I left feeling discouraged. Funny enough, I’m still exactly like this with projects. Example: I want to run so many groups including groups that focus around journaling and playing in our planners (in a self-reflective manner), I want to facilitate “grand rounds” types of events for colleagues in the community, I want to host events and participate in other events within the community, I want to create stickers and digital art (kind of, but that takes a lot of steps, meh). I want to get trained in so many things and read all the books and write all the journal articles. I want to teach classes and provide trainings. There is always something I’m wanting to work on.
There’s definitely a difference in me currently versus pre-2020 me. Annnnnd I definitely can reflect back and appreciate the growth. :)